Senior Spotlights: By Alexa Cepeda

By Alexa Cepeda, Portland State Softball Senior

6/21/2024 1:30:00 PM

I have played softball for about 11 years. As I ended my collegiate and athletic career forever on a random Saturday in May, I have been pondering a lot about this turning point in my life. It has been a moment I have dreamed of, dreaded, wished upon a star would come earlier, refused to let happen in our Conference Championship tournament by coming all the way up from the loser’s bracket, just to play one more game. We hoped, and we put everything we had into the competition and took these chances. And we took second place.

As I’m thinking about all of this, I ask myself the question: If we risk losing, striking out, or making a humiliating error that makes us feel like we cost the game, why do we do it? Statistically, there is so much room for failure, and honestly, there is so much on the line that honestly comes down to chance, dumb luck, or whose arms hurt and who got better sleep the night before. What are the reasons that keep us going?

I asked my fellow seniors to ponder some of these questions from their unique perspectives. I asked Paetynn Lopez about how she brings her fierce fighting spirit on the field while having one of the biggest and kindest hearts of anyone I know. Logan Riggenbach shared her journey of strength, resilience, and competitiveness within the game and how that will translate into an ambitious and successful life after college. I heard from Shea Garcia about the importance of leaving a legacy and how her actions have created space for herself and other athletes to prioritize and be vulnerable about their mental health. Emily Johansen, a rock for our team, has blossomed in this program, and I learned more about her confidence and perspective of the world. Maddie Thompson gave everything she had to this game and shared with me what playing your heart out takes and what she’s gained from it. With persistence and determination, Makayla Romeo found this program in the final year of her collegiate career, where she found community and gained back her love for the game. Marisol Gaona, fighting through two ACL surgeries, has had a different road in the latter half of her career. She consistently chose us and has learned the meaning of perspective, faith, and finally peace as she moves towards life after–now with a Master’s degree. And finally, our Allicite Frost who is a shining light on this program, handling challenges and adversity head-on with a smile on her face. Coming from a tight-knit family, she has now made one here at PSU, finding her voice and making a significant impact among us.

These are incredible people I had the privilege to play beside. This sport has transformed us from girls to young women. Something so demanding of all of our time, attention, and energy for four years has shaped and polished us into who we are today. The process over results. We are all tougher, mind, body, and spirit:

“My first year at PSU, there were a lot of things that I struggled with, especially because it was the COVID year. It was really hard. I had the Yips, you can quote that. I never struggled like that in softball or with anything in my life. And that following summer, I feel like it was a testament to who I was because I could have given up and just accepted my doom or my fate. And I could have just hung up the cleats early. But I took a bucket out to a field every single day, and I worked to get better and overcome that struggle that is kind of rare, but if you know how that feels like, it feels like the world is over. Which obviously it's not. But my parents always told me never to give up, and I worked as hard as I could. And I gave it my best effort. And I was able to overcome that.” –Logan Riggenbach

“I genuinely feel that my degree is for my family as well as me because no one knows how many calls they got from me saying I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew when I was young that this was my dream, getting a college education while playing the sport that has given me more than I could ask for. It was far from easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” –Shea Garcia

“Going through some pretty tough times caused me to constantly change my perspective on life and recovery. In order to push myself on the days where it felt pointless, I remembered that I was a part of our team that is one of a kind…I began attending church consistently 2 months after my first surgery in 2023. As a Christian, I believe it is important to forgive in order to find peace in my heart. I spent so much time being angry that I had to go through such a hard injury and going to church became peaceful. Being able to trust that God made things happen for a reason and lean on Him when I know no one else could is what kept me going.” –Marisol Gaona

“I had coaches that would say that I’m not a second baseman. That I was kind of thrown out there as like an extra. When Coach [Meadow] came to watch my games I got put in at second for maybe an inning or not at all. But I think being able to prove those coaches wrong and come here to play second base and make memories in the infield and not just kind of be thrown to the side was special.” –Maddie Thompson

“Being an introvert has always been a difficult part of my life because I always battled with anxiety. When I started playing softball, it helped me get out of my comfort zone and become more outgoing. Softball made me learn how there are many different ways to be a leader. It’s taught me not to be afraid to be myself and I have a voice that matters. Even if I was an introvert I was still important to a team and was still worthy.” –Allicitie Frost

“The approach to failure is one of the ways that I have allowed myself to approach everything else in life. That began with our coaches, and their encouragement to push myself and allow myself to fail because that’s one of the ways that I have been able to feel like I can fail safely and explore failure as a good thing and not a bad thing. Because over the course of my time here I have failed. And then I picked myself up again and felt the support around me with the people that wanted me to pick myself up and see me succeed.” –Emily Johansen

Maddie Thompson makes a play at second base against Weber State

Logan Riggenbach celebrates walk-off home run

Allicitie Frost pitching against the Beavers

It seems like we were constantly pushed to the limit of what we thought we could do. When we thought we simply couldn’t go on another second, and couldn’t handle one more failure or setback, we persisted. That is simply life. Choosing to go on. As a lesson that is a hard pill to swallow, we’ve learned it and will continue to practice it for the rest of our lives. So, we do it because of our perhaps stubborn resolve, and we are stronger because of it.

Another pillar of our “why” in this sport is community. Being able to look to the left and right of you and see encouraging smiles, outstretched hands, hearing voices that have the utmost belief in your success–that is what keeps us going.

“I would say since this was my last year and first year here at Portland State I was able to bring in a different perspective and appreciation for the compassionate people and the amazing coaching staff. I would say because of this community here impacted my last year in the most amazing ways. I was able to fall back in love with the game and experienced gratitude on a level that I’ve never been able to do with softball before. I would say I am a better athlete and person because of my time here at Portland State.” –Makayla Romeo

“I love the connection and the relationships. And I always have since I first started, that’s why I started playing in the first place. That, and because all my friends were signing up and I had FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).” –Logan Riggenbach

“I think the competition here was healthy, and we wanted each other to get better. People didn’t see me as like, ‘Oh, who’s this dweeb?’ It was like, okay, let’s help her get better in her areas, and then let’s push each other. Because I remember freshmen year I couldn’t throw a ball correctly to save my life. And we would do drills in the infield to help me, but I also wouldn’t be singled out. I think it was very inclusive and not ever shaming people for needing help.” –Maddie Thompson

“Ali had mentioned that she wanted a towel. I promised her after my last game that I would hand it down to her. Ali has been my biggest supporter this season and has meant so much to me. That's what I told her when I handed her my towel. I knew that it was the right call, and it was so special for me to be able to hand it down to her. It wasn't until this moment that I realized how much of an impact I made on her. It brought me so much joy and gratitude that I was able to impact her in this way. That's what this game is about. To give girls the confidence to be themselves, fight for themselves and find a voice. Leaving a legacy is about leaving the place better than you found it. It was really special to me that I got to hand that down to her. I can confidently say that Ali will do the same for other players to follow her because of how much she loves the game & how much she is there for others.” –Paetynn Lopez

“I feel like everyone on this team found some way to connect with me and find a common ground. So when it came time to compete together, I knew there was a way to look at someone I felt connected to and find a way to let go of some of the stresses of the game. I recognize how rare that is at this level, and my connection with different people was a way to let go of some of the stress that the game brought to me.” –Emily Johansen

There were some significant moments, being a senior, that gave me perspective and changed my reality of the game as I once knew it. Not having enough time, wanting to leave the jersey better than you found it, things more important than ourselves revealed themselves to us as the clock on our collegiate careers was ticking. I will never forget the morning before our last games in the conference championship tournament as Vikings:

Paetynn, or Patty, our catcher, had caught a total of six games from Wednesday to Saturday, a total of 46 innings. At the end of our season, we are tired, hurting, knowing just how much was at stake in playing for the championship. Of course, when we ask her, “Patty, what are you listening to?” it’s nothing other than “The Final Countdown.” And we all giggle because we think she’s so cool. But, in our pre-game intentions, where we write down what we want out of the games that day, she says something I will never forget:

“For the team, I just wanna keep the same energy as yesterday and just play free and connected, trade a smile for a smile. For myself, just be the aggressor. Honestly, my body’s hurtin’ a little bit, but I oftentimes think it’s about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That should be our mentality today.” –Paetynn Lopez

Jaws dropped around the circle. Patty smirked to herself, knowing that she was going to fire us up. The room erupted into joy for Patty, for the team, and for the opportunity to play for something that matters.

And then we played, 18 innings that day, and got second place.

Thinking about her words still brings me to tears because, honestly, that is the greatest lesson I will ever learn. Life is always going to throw you a changeup, and no matter your preparation, dedication, love, there is always the menace of failure. And we have to keep moving forward. It’s not groundbreaking stuff, it’s pretty simple. But it’s important because in this next walk in our lives, how will we ever simulate the grind, the competitiveness of pushing our bodies to their very limits? Where it’s survival, and feels like life or death? Especially when you have a community of 20+ women around you who are working towards a collective goal and you suddenly lose that.

Finding this feeling is everything. Leaving a place better than you found it is everything.

“I feel like for myself and all the upperclassmen, the most important thing is just being empathetic. And I think we all have done a good job of that. And with that being the main priority of a leader, we're leaving the program as a class in good hands, because they know that's how you get through the hard moments and the valleys of our sport. And that means a lot that I was able to learn from the people that were older than me and the people around me–how to be more empathetic and compassionate towards my peers.” –Logan Riggenbach

“I think I am the most proud of the resilience and the things that I have overcome throughout my five years playing college softball. I am proud of finishing and completing the things that I set my mind out to do when I was a little girl.” –Makayla Romeo

“From the moment I started playing this game, it has always been about love and playing for the people next to me. I have never been the player that had success in playing for myself or looking at the statistics. I have carried this in the box, in the dugout, and behind the plate. It was always important for me to be there for my pitchers and bring out the best in them in any capacity. Carrying myself with love & gratitude has made me fall in love with the game more. It has made me appreciate the moments and the people around me. I feel that when you are able to feel all the good in certain moments and appreciate the people around you is what makes life more enjoyable and special.” -Paetynn Lopez

“I would say more than anything, my relationship with the game has brought me a great deal of empathy. There’s a lot that athletes go through that they choose not to share, whether it be out of embarrassment or shame, but being vulnerable about my struggles has given me the ability to connect with more people. In my future classroom, I hope I’ll be able to build an understanding environment where students can bring their authentic selves every day, without fear of not being enough.” –Shea Garcia

“ I would just keep telling myself that this game is about failure, so don’t be afraid or be embarrassed about failing just keep going. Everything will work out in the end, and that my performance isn’t my identity.” –Allicitie Frost

“No matter where you end up in your career, an attention to detail, a dedication to good people, and a strong work ethic will allow you to find people that find the same values as you. Those are the three things that I really find value in, and I managed to find all of those and develop through all of those in this program.” –Emily Johansen

“Softball has given me the opportunity to live on my own and be independent in a different state than my family at 18 years old. The game has made me physically and mentally stronger, which has made me feel comfortable moving on and leaving the game, because I know I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.” –Marisol Gaona

“I just want to make everyone proud. I feel like being able to finish something I’ve been doing for the past 15, 16 years and actually having played my last game and say I’m done, not by choice, but being able to say this is the last possible time I will ever be able to has been a big motivator.” –Maddie Thompson

Coming from someone who had a tumultuous story with softball to say the least, it means the world to me that I had this experience, especially at Portland State, especially with Coach Meadow, to bloom into a person who is ready to take on the world and try to find even more people who inspire me just as everyone who is a part of the Viking family has for these past four years.

Thank you, softball.

–Alexa Cepeda

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